Posted by
VeeJay on Thursday, November 16, 2006 4:34:27 AM
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
SOLVING CRIME
Dear Vee Jay Hush
I have a theory on how to fight crime in America.If we simply arrest all those people who havethree names we will wipe out all major crimes. In support of my theory let me point out such major criminals as Lee Harvey Oswald, John Wayne Gacy and Mark David Chapman. All of these men had three names! Let’s wise up America and wipe out crime by taking out all the nutty guys with three names!
Yours in incoherence
Howard Brush Dean
P.S. I am a real doctor you know!
MAKING PEACE
Dear Vee-Jay Hush
I have devised a plan for world peace that I think might prove useful to the newleadership in Washington D.C. Here is how it goes:
Step One: Contact all of our Islamist friends from around the world and invite them to a
conference in Munich.
Step Two: Give them everything that they want.
Step Three Return home and declare that you’ve achieved ‘peace in our time’.
Final Step: Give your offices to Winston Churchill and let him clean up the mess you’ve
made.
I hope this has been helpful to you as I have previous experience in this area that I think could make me a relevant figure in today’s political climate.
Mr. Neville Chamberlain London, 3rd tombstone to the left of Bertrand Russell
Editors Response: We have forwarded your letter to Jimmy Carter as we feel his interest level will likely be higher than ours. Please remain infamous and someone will shortly outdo you.
GOVERNMENT EXPERIENCE
Dear Vee-Jay Hush
I have recently lost my country and would like to apply to rule another one. This may be difficult as I am now scheduled to hang but I wished to express my interest nonetheless. My talents include the ability to make ridiculously grandiose statements of victory in the face of ignominious defeat. My hobbies include gassing innocent villagers and allowing my late sons to torture anyone they want. I hope to hear from you soon.
Mr. Saddam Hussein
c/o Katie Couric
WISDOM FROM QUITE HIGH
Dear Vee-Jay Hush
I am a gay man who wears outlandish glasses who has not had a hit song since the mid-1970s. I am certain this qualifies me to ban all religion. Thank you.
E. John
14 Paul Anka rd.
Has Been City